Yesterday I went for the routine follow up appointment which takes place typically a month after radiotherapy is finished. This is to check on progress and healing from radiotherapy and to outline the post cancer care.
I was seen by an unfamiliar doctor who explained that these follow up appointments are not usually with one's oncologist, but more often with someone else. So this is an indication already of the weaning off process, the distancing of patient and specialist, I guess.
There was nothing major to report. My skin feels an expected tightness and there are some recovering nerve sensation shooting pains that are typical at this stage after a mastectomy, as nerves begin to reconnect.
He explained that their policy is to mammogram the remaining breast every two years. But a next check up or follow up will take place in June 2011, just to see that everything is healing appropriately.
At my last appointment a month ago I was very distressed at my end-of-treatment feelings of not being back to normal, not whole again. The oncologist referred me on to the clinical psychologist/psychotherapist, and at last I have received a letter assuring me I'm on the waiting list - which currently stands at 24 weeks! Good job I'm not suicidal, eh?
I needed to take 4 weeks off work after half term, to recover from the soreness and tiredness and to adjust to life after cancer. I did lose a lot of confidence and self esteem as I have struggled with losing my breast. I think perhaps that the physical damage radiotherapy does serves to draw my attention to my deficient chest every minute of every day, every time I move my arm or reach or stretch. Whereas, before radiotherapy, that area was shocking to look at, but once I was dressed each day, I had no feelings there, so I was able to forget about it much more of the time.
I am so grateful to my dear friends, especially Barbara, who could see how low I was and who insisted I seek help from my GP for anxiety and depression... and so now I am able to return to work and move forward, bit by bit.
I did work mornings only from start of term in September, for 6 weeks. It was then half term, and then I took 4 more weeks to recover. Now I am back at work in the mornings, with a view to resuming full time duties from January.
That will then be a whole year, from first noting a dimple, to returning to full time work after cancer.
It has been quite a journey and there are many more stories in my life this year that I've not shared on this blog. But I think I'll finish now, and wrap up the story here.
Next year there will be the whole new adventure of reconstruction surgery, I will see the plastic surgeon in April... but it's most likely not to go ahead until next autumn.
For now I'm going to thank God for his huge grace to me, holding me through the hardest parts and surrounding me with love and support from all sorts of people. I'm going to continue doing what I do, with everything and everyone who loves me, in my family, my church and beyond. I'm going to sew hats for those who want them, and I'm going to teach primary school!
