February 9th - musings on not being at work

So, I didn't want to be posting trivia daily... but the temptation is great! It has been a very long time now since my day surgery - sentinel lymph node biopsy on the 5th. It has already been a lot more than 4 days!! :) hmm. The breast care nurse says I have to wait until the 16th to find out the results of that procedure. The results are in on Wednesday 10th, but the consultant's next clinic session - where he feeds back to patients isn't until next Tuesday. These results will show if there is cancer in the under arm lymph nodes too. If yes - then more scans to see exactly what else, if anything, is affected. If not, then straightforward surgery followed in many cases by straightforward chemotherapy, I think.
The children have expressed delight at the idea of a stay-at-home mum for a while... they think I'll be getting up well before them, fussing over cooking them each a full English breakfast, and then lovingly making their packed lunches for them, dusting and polishing and ironing and darning until each one arrives home from school , then settling down with them one by one and showing a Grannie's delight and interest in their day, and helping with school projects and homework whilst stirring up delicious home made evening meals with the other hand. Sadly, it's true, there's a part of me that would like to be the sort of person who would find fulfilment in that, and I've been practising a bit so far, because it is a noble lifestyle, which I admire.

But then, there's the other side - as I see it.. full time mums command less intellectual respect from their offspring, and are statistically less likely to be able to be of use in helping with homework; they risk denying their children important creative independence skills - gained only from having to fend for themselves on a daily basis; they become doormats to their family and uninteresting company for their peers. Apparently, the very best model is the part time working mum. So as soon as they started coming in from school today I went to bed for a nap! I got up later and directed Ben to cook pork steaks, peas and chips (all from the comfort of my armchair), and have backed out of helping Little John with his homework. I helped yesterday. He can plead with William to give him a hand, or he can jolly well square up to the task by himself!

Anyway - this week off work isn't really a career decision. My sore wound is more achy and bruised than I expected - but still easily pacified with ordinary brufen etc. I have felt more tired than I realised. Monday and Tuesday I got up early and bouncy, did the perfect mum thing, kids off to school, made their sandwiches, waved hankie at door .. but then felt stupidly tired after a spot of housework - vacuuming, ironing etc.
What IS going on? I am not known for needing to vacuum, dust and polish. I haven't spent my weekends these last 7 years catching up with housework because my job has prevented me from my life's ambition to have an immaculate home.. Life has always been too short for that. The weekend was a non-stop hoot; giggles with friends, cups of tea, cake, flowers, facebook!
Lots of people have made time for me - visits, calls, messages.. I love company and being the centre of attention, and I enjoy being hospitable - so from that angle - it's a win win situation.

This evening, Mum phoned, briefly, about something else. I knew something was up because she was on her mobile. She didn't want to tell me - but I got it out of her (there's a kind of satisfaction, like hooking out a garlic snail from its shell with those little forks; fiddly but worth it) - Oh dear...
She had to take Dad into A&E today because he had such a massive pain in his right, swollen, immobile arm, a cramp or something - and he was at screaming point with pain. When she got him to hospital he had by then also got pain/immobility in his right leg and wasn't able to use it. So they've kept him in, and dosed him up with horse pills or something. Get well soon, Dad!
And that's really why I posted today. So you can know too, and pray with me, for Dad.