9th July - 2 week s after chemo.

I am feeling absolutely fine. I have been busy and happy and enjoying life since last weekend when the toxic feelings lifted, leaving me relieved, though fatigued.
I had some toothache on the weekend of my last chemo, which I panicked about, as it was around my front teeth. My dentist found no problems, which was a relief to me as I was beginning to fear being bald, lop-sided, swollen-armed and toothless!
Then I noticed that any activity at all resulted in my getting swollen hand and fingers - index and middle - on my right hand. Oh - that worried me too. It hurt too - the poor skin was getting rather tight. So far, swelling seems to subside when I rest up.. but it takes a lot of idleness to get it back to normal size. Over time, if I don't manage it, it will swell and not subside and become permanently fat. I made another appointment with the lymphoedema physiotherapist and she prescribed me a compression glove, which I have to wear all the time, for ever. Now that's another thing to get used to - having a chronic condition... can make you feel old, past it, worn out, unattractive. uggh. 'flesh' coloured surgical hosiery! I've been blinging mine up with a huge ring and a jolly bracelet!

Steph's Top Tips No. 34: If camouflage is impossible, if you have an undesirable attribute - bling it up, make a feature of it, go large and bold. I wear big earrings, bright scarves and hats rather than a minimal beige coloured headscarf. People can tell you've got no hair anyway (no 'sideburns' is a give away) ; if you look embarrassed about it, everyone is awkward. Give them an opportunity to say 'I like your headgear', rather than thinking, 'oh, she's bald and trying to hide it'.

Little John was 12 on the 1st July. He had a few friends over for a water fight and a birthday tea. I was really glad of Jennifer's help in getting the food together because I was exhausted and feeling rough. It all went well. Jennifer spied all the cherries on our tree were ripe and collected 2 bags full! The cherries were really tasty and prompted me to get the rest harvested, which I did at the weekend with fab new extending tree pruners, lopping off whole branches. (it needed a trim anyway!). With 25+ lbs of fruit I have bottled cherries, made cherry jam, and frozen cherries. I am really chuffed about my jam. Feel all country ladyish, and 'Good Life'y, I distributed a few jars at school. Pitting all those cherries was just the sort of time-consuming repetitive activity that causes swollen fingers. But then, so does housework, gardening, typing, knitting, hoovering etc etc. During this gorgeous heat wave we have also planted tomatoes and herbs, and made 2 hammocks.

Now I have a picc line for delivering my chemo drugs, I am 'under' the district nurse now, as well as everyone else. Every week she has to visit me, flush the line through with saline, clean the area, change the dressing and plastic attachments. I'm amazed at how much ridiculous pen-pushing/bureaucracy is involved. We spent an hour all told, as I had to answer a whole file of questions about my health, status, emotional state. I feel quite guilty to be such a drain on resources. This picc line is to be used once every 3 weeks for a single blood test and then for chemo delivery. But it needs servicing every week! It takes a shed load of sterile packs and specialist plastic bits n bobs, swabs and gloves and plastic aprons and so forth every time she visits. I couldn't be a nurse; I'm too thrifty! what ever happened to a bit of cotton wool and a good glug of Dettol? Its politico-medical correctness gone mad. No wonder parents these days are cluttering up A&E with trivial cuts and grazes; they've been conditioned to believe they can't cope at home. Stuff and nonsense. I could make the necessary cuts in the NHS - easy. Let me at 'em!

Last Friday, my breast care nurse telephoned, which I thought was nice. I thought she'd phoned to find out how I'm doing, but no. She had another patient who had seen me at Seroma Clinic, and wanted to know how to get hats like mine. Would I mind phoning her up? Of course not!

We met up on Wednesday at the Cancer Centre, borrowed a little meeting room, and played with her head, trying on my hats and scarves and showing her how to tie them and make a feature - see Top Tip No. 34 above!! She was ever so thankful, and went away with about 5 of my hats and scarves and a huge smile! She had been really worried and upset with the hat she had bought online - which was the weird pre-tied bandana thing that only people with cancer wear. She said she felt it screamed 'I've got cancer'. Now she's set to face the world, as her hair is due to fall out this week.

I have done really well not to have caught any colds or infections so far. I recognise I am vulnerable to disease and sometimes I feel a bit run down or tired or breathless owing to low red blood cell count. Most people tell me I look really well. I do. But that's because they only see me when I'm up and about, not when I'm too sick and tired to get dressed!